The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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