I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I bet he comes in French.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
