i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
