i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
