what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
