I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
