My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
