I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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