how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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