i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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