I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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