I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
