just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
