i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
