Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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