Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
