garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
