I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
