Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
