So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
whose parrot is this?
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I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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