Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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