I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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