I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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