You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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