Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
