You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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