every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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