i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i've created a new STD.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
