He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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