Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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