I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
