Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize