k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
