Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
