Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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