I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
