really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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