You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
