i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
