If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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