worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My dick has a subreddit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
