Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
