using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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