I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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