We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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