I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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