So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
