So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
