Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
