I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The best revenge is premature balding
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
