It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
