DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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