my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
