My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
