I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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