I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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