he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
